Thank you...

My birthday was yesterday and I just want to pop in and say thank you to all of the wonderful people who called to wish me a happy one!

My favorite present so far is a talking Steve Irwin action figure who says "Crikey!" when you touch his front pocket. Hee hee...

Anyway - it is good to be 31! Thanks for all of your calls and emails... and have a wonderful Wednesday!

My Dad, A Papoose, and Extras.

So - I promised I would tell you a bit more about my Dad at the end of the month since his birthday was on Tuesday. Happy Birthday, Dad! Why don't I paint a portrait of him though a bit of free association, shall I? Sort of a recipe for JBFT. A pinch of this, a dash of that... here are the ingredients:

In a large mixing bowl, pour in 3 cups rock and roll, preferably:

• Signs by Tesla
• Not Ready To Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks
• The Weight by The Band

Add in:

• one electric guitar to punch it up and
• one acoustic guitar to mellow it out

Mix in a drizzle of vintage sci-fi, perhaps from a well aged bottle of Twilight Zone or Star Trek, Next Generation.

Add one cup each of:

• Freshly mown grass
• Alum
• Motor Oil
• Appalachian river water

Drop in two tbsp each of

• Tax consultant
• Tennessee Squire

A dash of brain teaser adds complexity.

Stir in a few obscenities for color.

But don't forget the scripture which adds body and ties all the other ingredients together.

Stir well until compassion and wit begin to emerge. Original lyrics will start to rise to the top.
Bake until neck is nice and red.

Serve with a side of Bev and a few good old boys.

Enjoy!

Hee hee... now you have an inkling of what JBFT might be like. Try him. You'll like him.

*** *** ***

In other news, here's what I made over the weekend:
-


It's a papoose for my Palm Treo. I haven't bought a skin for it yet, so I decided to make one for now. Hopefully, it will keep my new toy somewhat protected while I lug it around the city. I used one of my favorite yarns: Noro, Silk Garden in Rainbow. Yummy!

And, have I mentioned my discovery of Extras? Actually, Leese brought it to my attention when she was looking for clips of Ian McKellen on Youtube. Hmmm... I guess now I'm going to have to figure out how to post Youtube clips on here... brb...

In other news...

I had the pleasure of being part of another First Wives World interview, although this one was more of a round table discussion than a one-on-one interview. (Above is a screen shot of the FWW home page.)

I have to admit that I was a bit nervous before this one because I knew that I would be talking about my personal life in front of a bunch of people I know rather than two people I know. Not to mention the fact that I'm used to being on the behind-the-scenes side of the camera. But, as soon as I got there, all my concerns were put to rest.

First of all, Julie and Joe, friends of mine who introduced me to First Wives World and who also help them with film production, always make me feel at home. Julie has this was of being so calmly inquisitive that I usually find myself happy to spill all the beans I have, which is a good place to be in when your supposed to be spilling your beans for a national social network.

I also was able to meet the producers who are making FWW possible. I won't say anymore about them just yet, because I don't know if they are the kind of producers who like to be in the spotlight or the kind of producers who prefer to remain mysterious benefactors, but I will say that they were lovely people and I'm glad they are in the world making forums like this available to people who need them and I hope they keep it up because they are doing a great job.

I really enjoyed getting to know the other women at the table. The four of us come from such different backgrounds with radically different stories, but it seemed so natural to be talking to them about the circumstances of my impending separation. I particularly enjoyed talking to Michelle, a single mother who is taking care of both herself and a daughter! (Sheesh - I am having a hard enough time figuring out how to provide for the one of me!) It was good to be with women my age who are on the other side of this particular transition. Being with them makes it feel less insurmountable somehow. In any case, the whole discussion was relaxed, well balanced, and sometimes pretty funny. (Heather was pretty quick with the witty divorcee one-liners.) Over all, I enjoyed myself immensely and I can't wait to see what the outcome will be. Don't worry, I'll post the links here as soon as they are up on the site.

Strangely enough, I think my participation with First Wives World is the main thing that is anchoring me to the future I need to move into. Despite our irreconcilable differences when it comes to religion and children, my relationship with Ahmed is so comfortable and content that I think we could stretch this transition period out over a couple of years if nothing was pushing me to make a change right now. If I hadn't put myself out on a national network, I just might settle for mere contentment rather than true happiness. (Which just happens to be my worst nightmare. I would much rather be that superb meteor than a sleepy and permanent planet... vague reference I know... see whole quote below.)

So - thank you Julie and Joe, for recognizing the potential story in me, (and Ahmed), and for hitching me to the back of this ever-expanding vehicle which is pulling me faster up a hill that it may have taken me forever to climb. I can't wait to see the view from the top!

Oh yes... and here's that quote:

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” - Jack London

Yikes!

Sheesh... how the time flies!

Can you believe over a month has passed and I haven't stepped foot inside my beloved BTtLG? Sad!

I'll tell you what happened: the Crazy-Job-From-Hell swallowed me whole and it took me a while to crawl out from under a pile of work. I hate to admit this about myself, but I really do have a one-track-mind. If I get immersed in one aspect of life, it is very easy for me to forget all the other aspects. Bills don't get paid. Emails don't get written. Calls don't get made and people start to think I've moved to Timbuktu or, god forbid, that I'm mad at them, (which is never the case.)

So after the job ended, I caught up on the rest of my life... (especially the bills part!) and here I am.

Lots happened while I was busy with the CJFH. First off, Father's Day came and went. I just didn't have time to sit down on Father's Day weekend and tell you about my wonderful dad, so I'm hijacking July 6 and making it an honorary fathers day just for JBFT. Here is a picture of me in his arms when I was 1!

Isn't he handsome? Yes, he was a young father, but he was such a fun one! My favorite memories of my dad in the days of my childhood are:

1. playing tickle monster on the living room floor.
2. when he would let Liz and me ride in the back of the truck.
3. telling us bizarre bedtime stories, (that he made up), about giant clams and running noses.
4. watching him work. I've always admired how much my dad can get done in one day. Since we lived on a farm back then, there was a lot of work to get done! Baling hay, tilling fields, laying cement blocks for tool sheds, feeding the animals, etc.
5. being with him in the ocean at the beach. There's nothing like clinging to your Dad's neck while waves are crashing into you... it's safe and exhilarating all at the same time!
6. his unbelievable composure while teaching me how to drive. Seriously... he's the best driver's-ed teacher in the world. He doesn't even blink an eye when one runs a giant GMC truck into one's chimney. (That does happen to everyone, doesn't it?)
7. going to the Lynard Skynard concert in SC. Yes, I'm showing my true colors here. I have been to a Skynard concert and I'll admit it... it rocked! (Of course, I was 14 at the time... and I was with my dad... but my dad happens to party harder than most people my age, so what can I say?)
8. The day he rescued me from a vicious battle involving a bike and a barbed-wire fence.
9. Watching him with groups of people. He's always been good in groups. He calls it "politickin". I call it natural charisma.
10. watching movies on weekend afternoons...
    

Me - "Dad, why did the little alien guy's finger glow when he touched..."
Dad - "If you be quiet and listen, you just might find out."
Me - "But, Dad, what does it mean when the he says phone..."
Dad - "If you listen, you'll see."
Me - "Um, Dad, why is he getting sick?"
Dad - "Sarah, shut up and watch the movie."

Hee hee... now some of you know why I'm such a movie Nazi!

Happy (hijacked) Father's Day, Dad!!! I love you!

You'll be hearing more about him later this month. His birthday is coming up!

The Mother's Day cycle...

Sheesh - time got away from me this week!

So I promised in my last post that I would tell you what impact having my particular mother has had on my life, so here goes. (We have birthday "cycles" in my family largely due to the fact that a few of us have a hard time getting things in the mail in time to arrive on or close to the actual day, so we'll just call this the "Mother's Day Cycle" and extend M's Day another week since I'm late getting back to this post.)

In the last post, I laid out some quirky details about Mom. In this one, I would like to tell you about the three most important lessons she has taught me during my lifetime.

Lesson # 1: How to stand up for myself and say the things I need to say even when I'm terrified to say them.

I started dating my first real boyfriend in 8th grade. I was crazy over him! Gargantuan butterflies in my stomach kind of crazy. We went to 2 different schools, but had the same AG teacher and I met him on an AG field trip. I was stunned that he was interested in me and life was very fairy-taleish for a few months! Until he called one day to tell me that our AG teacher had approached him and asked if I was really his girlfriend. When he said yes, she proceeded to tell him that she couldn't see why he would be interested in me. She said I was irresponsible and immature and that he could do better than me. He told me all of this while I sat dumb-founded, cradling the receiver in my hands. I can't remember saying anything. I think I just hung up and sat sobbing in my room until my mom came to ask what was wrong.

I told her what my teacher had said about me. Needless to say, my mother was pretty irate. I was sure she was going to go down to school and read that teacher the riot act! (My mom is great at reading the riot act to people when needed. I myself have been on the receiving end a time or two.) Instead, she sat me down and told me I was going to have to confront this teacher myself. She told me what to say, which was good because I had a huge mish-mash of hurt and confusion in my brain. She told me to do it first thing the next day and that if I had any trouble, well... she had my back.

And I did. My heart was pounding out of my chest! I had never had to confront anyone before, much less an adult! I stopped the teacher in the hallway before the first bell and said how hurt I was and how disappointed I was in her as a mentor. That if she thought I was irresponsible and immature, what does she think of herself for saying such things behind some one's back. (Sounds pretty good... huh. Just followed the script Mom gave me, but it summed up all of my tumultuous feelings nicely.)

Since then, I've always had that ability to have the hard conversations. I can say things I need to say even when my heart is pounding and I feel like I might pass out. And, if I ever need to sort out the main issue from the mish-mash, my Mom is only a phone call away.

Lesson # 2: Never sacrifice my self to make someone else happy. (This is quite different from making sacrifices for other people.)

Most of you know that I am married to a wonderful man who happens to be Muslim. You also know that I love him and, in spite of that, things aren't going to work out for us marriage-wise. It has taken us 5 years to come to that conclusion. During those 5 years, I was confronted on so many levels! Do I convert to Islam so I won't lose the man I love? How can I honor his traditions and be myself at the same time? How do I live in the same house with someone who truly believes I am going to hell?

My marriage to Ahmed is one of the greatest miracles of my life. Our relationship could have turned ugly very early on. Part of the reason that I have been able to stay the course and build a loving relationship with Ahmed as well as honoring my own belief system is because I have my mother's voice ringing in my head. "Sarah, stay true to who you are."

My mother presided over our wedding. She has adopted Ahmed as her own son. She has a lot invested in our relationship and supports us as a couple, no matter what the future looks like. Still, whenever I call her for advice that one sentence is her most passionate precept. As a result, I have done the work it takes to draw my boundaries and to let Ahmed know who I am and who I'll never be. Because I am doing that work, he is as well. We have stopped pretending with each other. We have stopped trying to mold each other into the perfect spouse. We are happy. And we are happily getting separated. And we have an extraordinary future ahead of us. My mother will continue to love him as a son and to teach him the same lesson she has taught me... "Stay true to who you are."

Lesson # 3: The world is a spectacular place to live.

I told you earlier that my Mom loves bird-watching. That is just the pinnacle of the love-affair she has with life in general. I remember driving with her around the mountains of western NC and listening to her exclaim about the flaming azaleas and dogwoods. She is constantly delighted with the natural world. She loves the stark beauty of Winter as much as the extravagant florals of Spring.

I often meet women who are fighting the natural cycles of life. Women who defy age as long as they can with cosmetic surgery and expensive anti-wrinkle creams. My mother is 57 and she is one of the only women I know who is looking forward to turning 60! I have never had a fear of growing older because my mother makes it seem like so much fun.

My hope for the future is that Mom and I will be able to explore the world together, that we will continue to delight in growing older together, that we will help each other to unlock the many facets of who we are, and that we will always know that we are in each other's corner.

I love you, Mom, and I am honored to be your daughter.

Happy Mother's Day cycle!