How do you trick a trickster?

So - I hatched a brilliant plan this week.

Luckily, I had the help of two cohorts: Julie and Leese.

But, before I get to that... let me out myself on one small character flaw: I am terrible at creating my own artwork! I mean, I have no stick-to-it-iveness when it comes to self promotional pieces. ARGH! I have battled with myself over this issue for years!

This is how it happens:

SCENE: beautiful Saturday in cozy NY apartment. Sun streaming in windows. Cats purring. Girl sits on couch sipping the last bit of coffee and pondering the agenda for the day.

GIRL: "Hmmmm... great day to start that Kabuki-inspired floral self-portrait I've been meaning to do. Don't you think so, Gizmo?"

GIZMO looks at girl steadily as if to say, "Yeah, right... we've been through this a million times..." GIZMO yawns and goes back to sleep.

GIRL pulls out her sketch pad and starts to clean off the coffee table so she will have a clean work surface. In the process, she uncovers:

(any of the following could work for this scene)

a half finished scarf made of a gorgeous hand-dyed wool/mohair blend...
a scrap of paper with the phone number of an old friend she's been meaning to call...
an unpaid bill that was due two days ago...

which, predictably, throws her totally off the self-promotional track! Kabuki-inspired floral portraits fade from her memory as she gets lost in the task at hand. If only she had uncovered a wacom tablet and the Porcelain font! *sigh*

Happens every Saturday! Sheesh!

So, here's the plot twist that will save our heroine from her self-sabotaging foibles:

SCENE: gorgeous spring day in Central Park. GIRL sits with two friends and adorable Boston terrier. (Scene has been paraphrased due to terrible memory of scriptwriter.)

FRIEND ONE: "So, when are we actually going to see all of these brilliant works you are always going on about?"

GIRL: "I know, I know... I need to get them done. Especially of I'm going to set up my own web-site soon! I just never seem to have the time!"

FRIEND TWO: "Wait a second... every time I call you, you are at home lounging around! What about all that time?"

GIRL sighs a huge sigh. "Oh... crap. The truth is the only time I ever get anything creative done is when (A) it's a present for someone's birthday or (B) I'm doing it for money! I just can't seem to get motivated on my own time!"

FRIEND ONE: "So who has money to pay you for all that self-promotional work you want to do? Seems kind of like the chicken-or-the-egg problem to me."

GIRL: "Yeah, exactly! See how frustrating that is? Why do the work if I'm not getting pa... HEY! Wait a second! I've got it!"

SECOND FRIEND: "By George, I think she's got it!"

GIRL: "What if I pay myself? I just need to put a huge chunk of money in a safe place and make sure it doesn't get back to me until I deliver the pieces I've commissioned from myself! Ha! That'll show me! Yes! Just when I think all is lost, I go and think up something brilliant!"

FRIEND ONE: "Brilliant!"

FRIEND TWO: "Brilliant!"

SCENE 2: ATM machine on a busy Manhattan street.

GIRL takes out large sum of cash and hands it over to FRIEND ONE. Smiles all around. Even the Boston terrier seems to be grinning. GIRL goes home happily, knowing she can't possibly pay her bills until she follows through on some very important commissions.

THE END

So, you see? Who says you can't be your own boss? You just also have to have an extremely trustworthy accounts-payable representative and a little bit of start-up cash. Keep an eye out. I'll post the fruits of my labor here.

I hope you all have a very productive Saturday!

Dancing a Jig!

Dancing a jig... dancing a jig...

So, by now you've noticed that I have a tendency to disappear for long periods of time before popping up again. 'Tis a function of being a whimsical person. I am working on being much more consistent! I really am! It just may take a little time to build up my blogging muscle, so be patient with me!

I'm in a rambling sort of mood, so keep your eyes on the road... some curves are coming up.

Lots going on lately. I...

a) went with Leese tonight to see The Year of Magical Thinking starring Vanessa Redgrave. Not bad stuff, although I think Joan Didion and I have differing opinions on the definition of the word "magical". VR was pretty amazing, though, and I'm glad I can now say I've seen her on Broadway. We will be seeing Kevin Spacey in A Moon for the Misbegotten on the 29th. Leese has made all of the arrangements and I am hugely grateful because I need some good other-people's-drama in my life right now. (fyi - other-people's-drama is always much better on Broadway with respectable stars and a curtain that closes at the end of the show. I don't recommend the other kind... it's always more costly than the most expensive orchestra seat!)

b) have been swamped with work on the Kid's Choice Awards post party. Luckily, I love working in Adobe Illustrator and the days are flying by! It's a great job because Nickelodeon gives me all the ingredients and I get see how many successful recipes I can come up with. If they weren't all studded with sponsor logos, I'd put some up for you to see. Unfortunately, corporate America frowns on that sort of thing.

c) found out I have a thyroid issue that requires medication. Sad! On one hand, it explains tons about my energy levels over the past few months. On the other, I hate being bound to a regimen of meds. *sigh* Still, they may help me overcome the strange aversion to exercise that I seem to have developed. Of course, that could just be due to the fact that I have winter hibernating tendencies.

d) have a overwhelming need to introduce you to one of my favorite people in the world. Her name is Leese and her birthday was February 27th. We met back in (yikes!) 1996, so I have known her for 11 years. She is one of the universe's great gifts to me... and when you meet her, you will not be able to see the depth of her courage, or the breadth of her compassion, or the intricacy of her humanity because she is a humble thing and doesn't let it all hang out until she gets to know you better. She's a lot like a Shakespeare play... she takes some studying to understand, but when you figure out the details, she's pure poetry.

Here are some of the things she has done and been for me that has made my life a little brighter:

1) Caved and picked out a kitten for herself so that the kitten I adopted wouldn't be lonely.
2) Drove a gigantic U-Haul 9 hours from NC to NY because I was too chicken to drive a vehicle that large. (With previously mentioned kitten mewing piteously the whole way there!)
3) Looked appropriately shocked, but equally supportive when I announced I was getting married.
4) Was a gorgeous bride's maid at my wedding who did her job and caught the bouquet!
5) Became a formidable advocate for my well-being during a 4-day stint in a city hospital.
6) Endured, with a grace uncommon in best friends, some of my poorer choices in men.
7) Has become a geek with obsessions rivaling my own.
8) Gently persuaded me into a vegetarian lifestyle.
9) Keeps me inundated with Judy Dench movies, sitcoms, and interviews.

I am very glad she's here. She makes this story so much more interesting.

So - there... someone else for you to meet. Someday, when we're both 82, I'll write our memoirs and you'll be shocked at the details I have left out of this post. Ha! There's a cliffhanger for you. And you only have 52 years to wait!