How do you trick a trickster?

So - I hatched a brilliant plan this week.

Luckily, I had the help of two cohorts: Julie and Leese.

But, before I get to that... let me out myself on one small character flaw: I am terrible at creating my own artwork! I mean, I have no stick-to-it-iveness when it comes to self promotional pieces. ARGH! I have battled with myself over this issue for years!

This is how it happens:

SCENE: beautiful Saturday in cozy NY apartment. Sun streaming in windows. Cats purring. Girl sits on couch sipping the last bit of coffee and pondering the agenda for the day.

GIRL: "Hmmmm... great day to start that Kabuki-inspired floral self-portrait I've been meaning to do. Don't you think so, Gizmo?"

GIZMO looks at girl steadily as if to say, "Yeah, right... we've been through this a million times..." GIZMO yawns and goes back to sleep.

GIRL pulls out her sketch pad and starts to clean off the coffee table so she will have a clean work surface. In the process, she uncovers:

(any of the following could work for this scene)

a half finished scarf made of a gorgeous hand-dyed wool/mohair blend...
a scrap of paper with the phone number of an old friend she's been meaning to call...
an unpaid bill that was due two days ago...

which, predictably, throws her totally off the self-promotional track! Kabuki-inspired floral portraits fade from her memory as she gets lost in the task at hand. If only she had uncovered a wacom tablet and the Porcelain font! *sigh*

Happens every Saturday! Sheesh!

So, here's the plot twist that will save our heroine from her self-sabotaging foibles:

SCENE: gorgeous spring day in Central Park. GIRL sits with two friends and adorable Boston terrier. (Scene has been paraphrased due to terrible memory of scriptwriter.)

FRIEND ONE: "So, when are we actually going to see all of these brilliant works you are always going on about?"

GIRL: "I know, I know... I need to get them done. Especially of I'm going to set up my own web-site soon! I just never seem to have the time!"

FRIEND TWO: "Wait a second... every time I call you, you are at home lounging around! What about all that time?"

GIRL sighs a huge sigh. "Oh... crap. The truth is the only time I ever get anything creative done is when (A) it's a present for someone's birthday or (B) I'm doing it for money! I just can't seem to get motivated on my own time!"

FRIEND ONE: "So who has money to pay you for all that self-promotional work you want to do? Seems kind of like the chicken-or-the-egg problem to me."

GIRL: "Yeah, exactly! See how frustrating that is? Why do the work if I'm not getting pa... HEY! Wait a second! I've got it!"

SECOND FRIEND: "By George, I think she's got it!"

GIRL: "What if I pay myself? I just need to put a huge chunk of money in a safe place and make sure it doesn't get back to me until I deliver the pieces I've commissioned from myself! Ha! That'll show me! Yes! Just when I think all is lost, I go and think up something brilliant!"

FRIEND ONE: "Brilliant!"

FRIEND TWO: "Brilliant!"

SCENE 2: ATM machine on a busy Manhattan street.

GIRL takes out large sum of cash and hands it over to FRIEND ONE. Smiles all around. Even the Boston terrier seems to be grinning. GIRL goes home happily, knowing she can't possibly pay her bills until she follows through on some very important commissions.

THE END

So, you see? Who says you can't be your own boss? You just also have to have an extremely trustworthy accounts-payable representative and a little bit of start-up cash. Keep an eye out. I'll post the fruits of my labor here.

I hope you all have a very productive Saturday!